I was busily approaching the end of my training: full of energy, conviction, determination and enthusiasm. I became unusually tired, and perplexed about why that could be. Curious, I said to a friend: I have a new emotion, and I don’t know what the feeling is called, or how to name it.
A week or two later, I was with another good friend. She and I shared a deep commitment to improving the lives of children with disabilities, and their mums and dads, with whom we both worked. She confirmed something I hadn’t realised, held up a mirror if you like. It showed I was destined to commit myself to a similar transformation in the wider world.
I was stunned. This had not been planned. My relationship with my partner was unsteady. I felt a massive wobble: doubt, conflicting feelings, surprise, and all underlaid with new surprising hope and excitement.
My partner wept with thoughts of tenderness for the vulnerability of this unknown future that we were nurturing into being. I recall the lovely feeling of shared responsibility.
I absolutely loved the vision we had of a new era and I also loved sharing it and caring for it in with the arms of others around us too. I felt confident, relaxed and full of joy.
In the early days I had a terrifying nightmare – that the new era was suffocated (by creatures squashing it down and dismissing it). In my dream I desperately called on two women who I knew to be healers: I somehow trusted, in my dream, that they were strong and would know for sure how to save the vision and nurture it back to life and strength.