001: Fear

I am 31 years old and never dared to imagine a new era because I had just never met the right people with whom I felt up to the task.

As a teenager, my mum would often tell me ‘my mind would change’ when i got older. It simply didn’t. My 20’s came and I was still resolute.

At 28 I met my partner. The love of my life. I feel secure, safe and joyful with him in my life. He has long wanted to strive for a new world and often talks about ‘our fair and just future’. I could see myself building towards a different world with him. A world where clean air, water, food resources and a habitable biosphere were guaranteed. I could potentially start to hope for that now.

I feel sad sometimes to miss out on the joys, tears and tantrums pioneers face in their day to day striving. I also know I could never risk gestating a new world only to have my hopes and expectations dashed. “I knew how bad it was going to be and I still contemplated trying to birth something new”. That is what frightens me.

Carly Dober

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